Is it Christmas time already?

Yikes!  What happened to the fall??

It seems like just yesterday that we were coming home from the Okanagan, loaded down with fine wines.  Which, by the way, we are carefully saving for special occasions.  One such occasion was Thanksgiving when Melissa, Cathryn and Victoria came to visit.  We opened a bottle of Liquidity merlot and it was so good we finished off the second bottle as well.  I think the rest will wait until Christmas.

I took a quick trip out to Sechelt to see Mom and Dad for their 62nd Anniversary mid-November and it was a lovely time visiting with all the family.  The drive there and back was good too, in the old Highlander.

Len had a unfortunate meeting with a deer here in the 108 district and smucked the front of the Ioniq.  It was in the shop for 5 weeks (waiting for parts ?from Korea?)  So I hopped into the trusty Highlander for my trip.  No snow on the roads and no deer in sight either.  Just got the Ioniq back yesterday.  Don't get me started on the loaner car they gave us.  It was a Ford Fiesta.  A lemon of a lemon, especially in any amount of snow.  Had to tow it up the driveway with the Highlander.  Len considered it a death trap on the highway.  Glad it is gone and the Ioniq is back.

Poor car...but worse for the (dead) deer

The rest of November was full of hospice and choir.  A nice combination, caring and and listening and then singing to be filled with joy.  I helped out with a Butterfly Painting night, which is a fund-raiser for Hospice, led by a very talented artist.  She led 43 (!) people through a 3 hour painting session and at the end they all had a lovely painting to take home.  Not me, I just helped out.  Still chicken as I really believe that the art gene skipped this generation.  Mom has it in spades, but not I.

December has been busy as it always is.  I still do some work for my previous employer, when it suits me. Like when it is a lousy, cold day and I feel uninspired to do anything else.

We bought and installed some new flooring for the basement.  Poor Banjo was blind and deaf before his demise, and couldn't always make it outside to do his business.  No matter how often I cleaned it, the rug never was the same.  So now we have vinyl planks and it looks fabulous!  Took Len 2 days from rip out to replacing baseboards.  Man, that guy can work!  I was the clean up person, as usual.

New flooring in the basement

Now we are looking toward the Christmas season with anticipation.  Our daughter and son-in-law are coming for a few days and it is always great to have family around.  We have been traveling over Christmas for the past several years, so it will be nice to be home.  No Christmas tree yet - we have plans to go and cut one down, but things keep getting in the way.  Maybe when Kyla gets here.

As for Coddiwompling - we are looking forward to our trip in February.  I showed Len the historical weather reports for Feb 2019 and it was miserable and super cold for the whole month.  Thus the cruise for the coming year.  Len predicts the cold weather will come in January and that February will be spring-like.  We'll see!

Christmas may be a super-busy time, but I still love it.  Something about thinking about old and new friends, times past and times yet to come makes me all warm and fuzzy inside.  And the music of course! 

Experiencing Fall in Okanagan Wine Country

The last week of September, I traveled with Len and my brother and his wife to the Okanagan to do a little wine tasting.  This was after a few days at our daughter's home, so we were on the road for about 10 days.  This is the first time that I felt truly "Retired" and on no one's schedule but my own.  Have to say I loved it!

Although we only had 4 days of wine tasting, sandwiched between a day on each end to travel there, it was really fun.  The weather was marginal, but the company was warm and we tasted some lovely wines.   We spent two days on the Naramata bench by Penticton and two more days in the Oliver/Osoyoos area.  We stayed at an astronomy-themed B&B in Osoyoos, but alas the sky was completely overcast and we were unable to visit the stars via the large telescope the host has.  Nonetheless, he showed us some lovely photos and spoke at length about his adventures as an amateur astronomer (although he runs in very professional circles!)

Our favourite wineries were the small, more family-style ones, although the larger, more well-known ones were also fun to visit.  We had an especially knowledgable and friendly chat at the Joie winery on the Naramata bench - also the Elephant Island winery in the same area was quite unique and enjoyable.  We came home with 30 or so bottles, including one Port and one Cassis among mostly reds and enough whites to keep Len happy.

It was good to get out in the car and just go!  Len found pickleball in a few of our stops too, so he was happy.  While he pickleballed, I shopped and actually got some early Christmas shopping done.

By the time we got home, fall was truly in the air.  We had a killing frost, so my squash vines were very black and dead.  The kale fared well as it always does - can't easily kill kale!  A good friend came by and picked our corn so we have quite a few smallish cobs to enjoy this Thanksgiving.

I honestly love fall - the crisp air, the smell of fallen leaves and the sort of "enjoy these last days" sort of mentality that comes with the move closer and closer to winter.  The quality of light is softer too, although the summer never got as hot and harsh as usual this year.  The aspen and birch and poplar trees are turning yellow and soon will be bare.  Such is the circle of life which we are privileged to witness every year with the changing of the seasons.  I feel a little sorry for those who live in a climate that never changes, or changes very little.  However, talk to me in February when I am dreaming of being ANYWHERE warm!

With fall also comes a return to routines - Tai Chi, choir, hospice work and getting together to play classical music with a friend (I play cello, she plays violin).  We have also started a trio playing viola da gambas - a bass (me), tenor and treble.  These mental and physical challenges are meant to keep me going through the long winter. 

Time to get the wood in!

August 2019 (almost on time!)

August catch-up

August was another busy travel month.  Len and I hauled the 1938 Buick out to the car show in Sechelt and took some extra time to visit with all the family out there.  We stayed in a room we outfitted in my parents rental home in Sechelt.  

Other than the tail pipe coming off half-way home, it was an uneventful trip and good to see everyone.

And yes, a couple of weeks later I did another work week in Vancouver.  I know, I know!

Other than that, I mostly did all the regular things and tried to keep  my garden going and also have some fun.  It was a bit hard as the weather STILL was marginal at best, and often cooler than usual.

I enjoyed the times we did simple things like going for a bike ride and visiting friends at Sheridan Lake,  We did a spontaneous thing and took a full day off of EVERYTHING and drove up to Barkerville for the day.  It was fun - we took a town tour, saw a musical review and ate ice cream.  The drive was lovely and the company comfortable.

What I learned in August is that "time marches on".  Staying with my parents, both in their 90s brings certain things to the front of mind.  Yes, there will be a time when I will likely hobble, not walk, when I won't hear or see clearly, a time when the world will get smaller, narrower and harder to navigate.  My Mom is a good example of having spirit and the will to remain involved and to do as much as she can until she can't.  Fighting up-stream, I call it.  Dad had a stroke a few years ago, and added to his very different outlook for life, this means his life is so very narrow and limited.   At this point in life, pleasure and joy comes in small ways.  Watching the birds coming to the feeder, enjoying a glass of cider, having family around, eating together and even watching tennis together - these are joys - these are pleasures.

Knowing we are all on some version of the same pathway means that I don't want to waste a lot of time while I can still drive, see, hear and move around.  I want to be able to look back with pleasure at the memories of things I was able to learn and do with no sense of "I should have done more".  I expect I will still have that feeling, but I am going to do my best to live as fully as I can for as long as I can.  That means being more mindful of the choices I am making, saying YES more often, and not letting fear hold me back.  And being more spontaneous!  And taking advantage of every opportunity to experience the big and small joys of life.

July 2019 (not quite as late)

July catch- up

Between June 24 and July 30th we got 4 3/4 inches of rain.  That is a lot of rain, especially for us, especially in July.  That is all I am going to say about how non-summer-like July was.  

Because of the weather, I ended up working quite a bit in July as it wasn't sit outside at the lake kind of a month.  ( I know I promised not to whine, but can you blame me?)

We had one marginal day in there when our band played at the local car show.  Len ALMOST got the Buick ready and down there.  Next year!  Anyway, our gig went well as we were dressed to avoid the mosquitos and rain.

I did one very fun thing in July.  I drove down to Forest Grove, just outside of Portland for a whole week of viol playing at the Viola da Gamba Society of America's annual Conclave.  There were over 200 people there - all early music geeks.  Who knew?  Apparently it is a thing.  Anyway, I was what they call a "custos" which they thought sounded better than gopher.  I organized the packets and ran registration and then just helped out here and there.  It was a great way to meet people, especially people you want to meet (like the management and organizers).  I learned quite a bit too and offered up a few suggestions of how to make it better for beginners like me.  The weather in Oregon was perfect - no bugs of any kind, blue skies, warm temperatures!  I really enjoyed it.

People have asked me why I went by myself, and didn't that make me nervous.  You know, I would have loved to have shared the experience with another person, but I would rather go on my own than not at all.  I want to take advantage of the opportunities to GROW and I don't mean just grow older either.  I am the kind of person who doesn't mind putting myself forward, saying hi, visiting with strangers and taking the first step.  I also appreciated that when I wanted to be on my own, I could be.

Of all the things I planned to do when I retired, this is actually one of three things I consider to be new accomplishments: 1. Hospice work 2. Tai Chi 3. Viol conclave.

It was a great way to wind up a dreary month with some sunshine and music!

June 2019 (very, very late in posting)

Apparently I am too busy with my "new" life to blog.  That may well be.  Where were we.....  way back in May, I believe.  Seems like a lifetime ago.

First I must say that I suck at staying retired.  I have been working at least 1/2 time since I left full-time work.  This is a conflict for me.  I like doing things on my own terms (yes!) but I also like the challenge that some of the work offers.  So most Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Fridays I do at least a bit of work, sometimes a whole day's worth.

May/June 2019 catch-up

There was a lot of gardening in there.  You would have laughed out loud to see me in my anti-mosquito outfit.  First a ball cap, covered by a net hat.  Heavy sweatshirt, leather gloves, heavy canvas pants tucked into rubber boots.  Not going to get bit by those suckers!

There was quite a bit of Hospice work.  I even did a presentation on cultural safety at a meeting. (the Real speaker couldn't make it!).  I visited in the hospital every Thursday afternoon.

There were band practices every Sunday evening and choir every Wednesday until the concert early June.The band played a few gigs around town which was fun.

I practiced viol and cello in there somewhere and got together with my good fiddling friend, Marilyn every week we could manage.

There was Tai Chi a couple of times a week as well.

We had a really nice house/not a house concert with Gary Fjellgaard.  So many people wanted to come that we moved it to the 100 Mile United Church and we had a full "house" with about 90 people.

June started out warm and the mosquitos were horrible!  We put up two net tents - one for the table and one for the hot tub.  We couldn't have gone outside without them.  Then as quickly as it turned warm, it got cool and started to rain.

Melissa and Cathryn came by on the way to the coast and back.  Short and sweet visits.  Cathryn was staying out at Ruby Lake for a while.

Mid June I went to Vancouver to work for a week while my replacement was away on a vacation.  Because I was in Vancouver, I was able to go to the Graduation of Gretchen MacNaughton, daughter of my boss and friend, April.  She was loaded down with all the awards and scholarships she won!

That same week Dad turned 90 and I made my way up for the celebration and caught up with all the family in Sechelt before heading home.

The last week of June it really started to rain.  And once it started, it didn't know how to quit.  It was dull and depressing.

So what does all the activity of May and June 2019 tell me and you about retirement?  I don't think I qualify to comment.  But when I look back over the changes, it is not the number of activities (Tai Chi and Hospice are the only really new things) but the attitude.  Things feel a bit more on my terms.  And even though I still worked quite a bit, I didn't feel the full weight of responsibility and I certainly didn't feel any need to get involved in the politics.  So busy, yes, but with a difference.

This is what they meant I guess

All my retired friends kept telling me that once I retired I would be busier than ever.  Who knew how right they would be!  Since my 65th birthday in April, I have indeed been busy.

Len and I  hosted a delightful house concert with Kelly and Blu Hopkins, in a very full house (47 bodies) and enjoyed their company before and after, along with friends Shawn and Sid Tozer from Vernon.




Meanwhile, Len is trying to finish up the Buick and has been scouring the internet for this part.  Any guesses? 


Also, I have been doing weekly visits at the hospital and care facilities as a Hospice volunteer.  My garden has been planted and I spend time digging up weeds around the yard.

The nicest thing is to sit outside under the mosquito netting enjoying coffee or a meal with Len and Emma.  (Emma is now deaf, poor puppy! so keeps a keen eye on us during the day).

We have another house concert coming up this weekend and a bunch of band gigs in the area, so no rest for the wicked!

Turning the big 6-5 and other goings-on

April 2019 - a full month!

About a year ago, I started to think about what volunteering I might want to become involved with in the community.  There are a lot of options in a small town with an interest group for everything.  There is curling, hockey, community associations, reading, literacy, special needs, hospital auxiliary, card-playing groups, painting classes, the Arts Council, music festival.... well you get the picture!  So when I started thinking about volunteering I looked at what I think my skills and gifts are.  I see myself as caring, calm, supportive, warm and capable.  (Also very humble :) obviously).

So when I saw the advertisement for Hospice Volunteer training, I was immediately drawn toward it.  In my early years of nursing, I took some palliative care training and thought at one time that I might make this the focus of my career.  Things didn't turn out that way, but palliative care, end of life care - hospice - has always remained on the periphery of my mind.

As the very first post-employment commitment, I signed up to take a 2 weekend hospice volunteer training in 100 Mile House.  As it happened, this coincided with my birthday weekend for the last 2 days of training as well as falling right after the Senior Chorfest in Kelowna.  It was a busy couple of weeks!

Mom still loves to sing (at 91) and I thought going to Kelowna for 2 days of singing would be a nice get-away for her.  I talked my sister, Elaine, into coming along so she could drive Mom and we could have a bit of a reunion.  We stayed in a great little Air BnB house only 5 minutes from the singing venue.  I drove down Wednesday night, we sang all day Thursday and Friday, ending with an evening concert.  By the time we got back to our BnB, had a visit and packed up. it was 11 pm.  I got up on Saturday at 4:30 am to make the trek home in time for the Hospice training.  All was well until Kamloops, then the rain began.  By the time I was part way up Hwy 24 from Little Fort, the snow started.  The road turned from slush to snow to pooling water and back to slush.  I was forced to slow way down and tried to remember not to brake or steer suddenly.  I prayed no deer would decide to cross as I approached.  As it happened, I got to the training only 1/2 hour late.

On day two of the training, Sunday, Palm Sunday and my birthday, we finished up a very intense and emotional course related to all things death and dying.  The group of 8 new volunteers grew quite close through the experience.  I was pretty exhausted when I finally arrived home at suppertime.  So it was nice that there was no big surprise party or anything unusual.  Instead, we had left over lasagne and then a band practice with our guitar player, Ab.  (Our fiddler was out of town).  I had lots of lovely and thoughtful phone calls from family.

Not sure what exactly it means to be 65.  Not sure if things should or will change in any noticeable way this year.  It is hard to think of myself as officially "senior", so I am not going to.  As my Mom says, denial works. 

I certainly didn't dive into a depression, but the milestone did not go unnoticed, especially since I was deep into thinking about death and dying.

Certainly made me want to be sure to live fully and intentionally, and not to let these next years just "happen" without me noticing.  I'll let you know what that means when I figure it out!

Cathryn

FIRSTS AND LASTS

There have been a lot of firsts and lasts over the last week.

My first big Retirement party was on Thursday, March 28 at the Heatley Pub in Vancouver.  A fine musical time was had by all!  Kathleen Nisbet and friends came to play.  Len brought his banjo, I brought the stand-up bass and we played a few tunes, but mostly visited and ate and drank.  There was a wonderful honouring ceremony before the festivities began in earnest.  Very humbling. 

Len and Emma (the dog) spent a day at Stanley Park while I worked my last day in the office.  Last meetings, last emails, last out the door at the end of the day.  I had things to finish up, and so one by one my co-workers popped by to say a last goodbye, or didn't and slipped out the door until it was eerily quiet and I realized there was no one left but me.

 Len reminded me that no matter where you are in the city, the noise never stops.  It is never truly quiet.  I guess that is true.  Even walking on the beach at English Bay there was an underlying hum of activity, human speech, traffic noise and even the electric buzz of wires.  We sure noticed the quiet on the first night back, sitting in the hot tub in the dark, dark night listening to....well, nothing.  Not even a breeze.

Yesterday (Sunday) was the first time I got out into the garden for 2019.  I cleaned out the greenhouse, picked up dog poop (!) and then cleaned the first of my 2 large flower beds.  My back and legs were a bit tired by the end of it all.

The first Monday morning when I didn't have to get up and go to work was today.  Being April Fools, Len made a secret call from his cell and then informed me it was work calling with a questions.  Ha ha, got me!

Another first which is strangely delightful also happened today.  I put my laundry out on the line for the first time this year.  How lovely to hear the birds singing and feel the breeze as I hung out all those clean duds.  Small things, but such are the things that bring true joy.

Happy socks and duds on the line

Last Day of the Full Time Home Office

This where I have spent 7 years of my working life.  Luckily the window looks out where I can watch the local deer meander through the yard.   There are worse locations!

There were some of challenges - working through VPN is not always a smooth process, but it worked more times than not.  And the Surface Pro I work off was very flakey when it came to sound settings.

I just now realized that today is the last full day of working from home - next week (the last week) I will be in the Vancouver office to do my final hand-over.  Wow!  Those last few weeks went by very quickly!

In celebration, I bought myself a retirement ride - an eBike.  I plan to still pedal, but at least my poor knees will get some relief on the hills, of which there are many in our community.  Len is fixing up a basket to put on the rear carrier so I can pedal to the local store (5km each way) for groceries and beer.  Too bad the yard is still icy and mucky - I can't get the bike down to the pavement very easily.  I am sure that after my trip to Vancouver the yard will be better.  And I will have all the time in the world to bike to my heart's delight.

Countdown!

Well the countdown is on!  2 weeks and counting.
I have a few things planned for the first non-work month - keeping more than busy!

As it happens, the local Hospice Society is doing training for volunteers the second week of April, and this is a once a year thing in our small town.  So I will be spending 2 weekends in training.  In between I am traveling with my less-senior sister and more-senior Mom to the Senior Chorfest in Kelowna.  It should be a lot of fun to sing with 200 other older choristers!

A couple of weeks ago I picked up my latest musical undertaking - a bass viola da gamba.  It is sort of like the two instruments I already play a bit - cello and upright bass.  However, the 6 strings and frets and having it tuned with a 3rd in the middle (like a guitar) makes it a bit challenging.  Luckily come April I will have lots of time to figure it out.

If I get good enough quickly enough, there is a Conclave (gathering) in Oregon this summer.  I would love to go!

Viola da gamba
Sort of like a cello, no end-pin so you wedge it between your legs!

Back and forth to Vancouver

Looks like most of my exploration these last months of work includes flying back and forth to Vancouver.  I am headed back to the coast this evening.  I fly on Pacific Coastal Airlines, in a Beechcraft 1900.  I have my favourite seat which puts me in a position where I can see the altimeter (so I know we really are above the rocks!).  Also, when I look out the window I can see that the front gear is down as it is reflected in the spinner of the propellor.  Control issues?  Who me???

I like the smaller aircraft because I can see what is happening.  I would rather know than not know.  However, I have had a few instances of anxiety as a result of seeing the cockpit.  When the captain takes out the big binder, the operating manual and various papers and spends a long time looking at them, obviously discussing with the second officer, it makes me a little nervous.  Or when an annunciator light comes one.  Or when the captain keeps looking out the window toward the engine.

I have had the aircraft I came in on "grounded" due to a mechanical issue, but have never had a real in-flight concern.  Not yet anyway. 

I don't like flying at night very much; I like to be able to see the ground or if I can't, at least how thick the clouds are.  And the worst bumping around the sky I have experienced has been on night flights.  And wouldn't you know it, I am flying out tonight and back Friday night.  Twice in a week.  Oh well, a chance to practice my relaxation breathing!

Where, oh where to go?

Len and I have been tossing around some ideas of trips to take during this first year of my availability.  Having a small airplane is fun, but we are so weather-reliant that it is hard to make firm plans.  That is one thing about a full-time job - you need to schedule time off.  So once I am "foot-loose-and-fancy-free" we will be more able to hop in the plane and go visiting when the weather cooperates.

So far we have settled on the fact that an across-Canada trip will wait until 2020.  We hope to hit the Oshkosh Air Show on one leg of the trip.  We were there in 2002 and Len has been back once since.  I would like to go again - there is something so special about camping with 10,000 of your flying friends!

For 2019 we will be a little more modest - go visiting the family in Sechelt, Canal Flats and St. Albert.  Maybe we will get as far as Winnipeg where we have good friends.  If not this year, then as part of our Cross-Canada trip next year.

Other than flying, I hope to participate in some musical camps.  Len and I will both go to Mountain Fever Bluegrass Jam Camp at the Flying U Ranch at the end of April.  I want to go back to the Mountainside Chamber Music week in Nelson in July.  And maybe Nimblefingers camp at the end of August....we'll have to see how the money holds out.

There are two elements to our travel - friends and family.  That's really what it is all about.  Visiting old friends, making new ones.  And always throwing in some music.  Len on the banjo, me on either mandolin or stand-up bass.  Too much fun!

So enjoyable to think about the upcoming summer in the midst of January!  Last year at this time we were planning our trip to Iceland and Norway.  Seems that when the snow flies, our imaginations get busy!

Second First Thoughts

I was in Vancouver working for days 2, 3 and 4 of this new year.  It rained a lot, as is expected at this time of year, so it wasn't very pleasant for walking or being outside.   So I had lots of time to think about this transition and what it means.

For one thing, being at work with the people I am "deserting", having them moan about how I will be missed and in many other various ways making me feel guilty, was not easy.  I am trying to balance being firm....yes, I really am retiring....and understanding.....yes, I realize there is no one to replace me just yet.  I felt like a yo-yo going between these two realities.  It was exhausting. 

Most of the staff are very understanding, supportive and wish me well.  They are eager to help me get the program operations in top-notch form before the transition.  But we also have to do our daily work and keep moving ahead.  This too, is a balance.  I really want to leave the team in the best shape possible, to document all our processes, to have upper management clear about how I do things and how I think they should continue to be done.  All this, I fear, is partly my process to compensate for the guilt, the feeling that I really am deserting my staff, and a reflection of the level of ownership I have for the program.  I have spent the last 7 years of my life committed to bringing this team into being and supporting them to become really effective and responsive to the people they support.  I have given up vacation time, personal time and poured the best of me into getting this done.  And with the help of many people, I got it done!  I think that is why I have such a feeling of ownership and such a fear of having it destroyed.

Three days in Vancouver...then home for a few days before I head back again.  Instead of rain, there was a beautiful clear sky full of stars to greet me on my drive home from the airport.  When I walked in the door I could hear the crackle of the logs on the fire.  I sighed and relaxed.  I was home.  This is what life is really all about.  I just need to remember that.

Coddiwompling Begins!

Welcome to 2019!

This is the year I turn 65; the year I am retiring from a rewarding work life.  What will the future bring?  I'm not sure, but I stumbled upon a great concept, that of coddiwompling.  Moving with purpose toward an unknown destination.  

Moving? - yes!  Purpose?  - yes! Unknown destination? you bet!

Along the way, I want to record my thoughts and doings, decisions made and turns taken. Not so much for others, although perhaps it will prove interesting, but so that I am more intentional about my life.

My Mom turned 91 this past December and started to write her life story.  I realized that I have mainly drifted through life, and if I had to write my story now, I don't think I would remember much about why I did the things I did, what was in my head or what influenced my choices.

So this blog is my attempt to be aware.  To savour and share the moments that mean the most to me.  If it seems self-indulgent, forgive me.  Oh, and I write in a "stream of consciousness" sort of way so if incomplete sentences make you crazy, you might not want to continue reading.

                                 You gotta get paddling if you want to get anywhere!  

Day one: January 1, 2019.  As the snow falls on an already-white landscape, I am heading to Vancouver where it is raining and where it will rain all week in fact.  Why am I leaving my home in the Cariboo on a STAT holiday?  Because I am going to be working in Vancouver for the next three days and want to be there for the minute the office opens tomorrow morning.  I could have flown in tomorrow and missed half the day getting there, but I wanted to make the most of my time.  So I am giving my employer a piece of my personal time.  This is my choice.  Not required of me, except by myself.  This is an example of my work ethic, and an example of the ownership I have over the program I manage and will soon be giving over to the care and feeding of someone else.  My retirement date is March 31st.  Right up until then I want to give my best effort so that I can leave knowing that I have done everything I can to ensure my "legacy" continues.  Three short months and no one has been hired to replace me yet.  So I travel to Vancouver on New Year's Day.

                                       The deck will be waiting when I get home.